this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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