i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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