I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
