Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
