her vagine was all disorganized.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
