My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just high enough for therapy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize