Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A+ Viking dick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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