sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
