dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
