dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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