yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
