please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
