I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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