textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
