the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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