who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
