So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
