I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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