My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
