i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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