I bet he comes in French.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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