I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
