Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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