So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
