Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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