My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
