last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize