i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
