If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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