facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize