i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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