:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
