I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize