Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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