I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
