I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You need a sexual gate keeper
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
