My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize