Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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