The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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