I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
