I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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