At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
