theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
