I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
