New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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