dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
two words...techno handjob
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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