I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
vagina is talking i cant
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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