Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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