therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
