I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize