Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
