i wish my penis had a tongue
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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