I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
