he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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