Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
