Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
