Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
