Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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