who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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