My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
