i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
