he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
