Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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