4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
