drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
