thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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