What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
