He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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