Small penises have feelings too.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
