i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
