Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't turn off my feet"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
