So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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