life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
