I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
