I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
