Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
