didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
