You really coming over, don't trick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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